


Craigslist

by spacedaydreamer



Category: Zero Escape (Video Games), Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma - Fandom
Genre: Multi, also junpei is way too bi for this (yet again), and the return of his movie mania, it's mostly crack with a good serving of cute, its just rated for swearing really, this isn't actually sexual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-16 23:36:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9294623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacedaydreamer/pseuds/spacedaydreamer
Summary: Junpei takes Sigma up on a dare, and posts a craigslist wanted for a threesome. Much to his surprise, he actually gets responses- and both of them are damn sexy.





	

“See? Told you I’d do it, Sigma.”

Junpei smirked as he showed Sigma the craigstlist post, even complete with a shirtless picture of himself.

‘ _Single, 21m looking for two others interested in a three-way. Do not have to know each other, male or female is fine. Please no unsolicited offers or joke offers.’_

“Well damn, didn’t think you’d actually go through with it.”

Junpei’s smirk only grew bigger, and he looked at Sigma with confidence.

“Now your turn, either pay up or post the furry ad. Can’t wait to see what sorts of porn you’ll get of your fursona.”

“It’s _not_ a fursona, Junpei.”

“Then what exactly _is_ that cat abomination of yours?”

“….fuck you.”

Junpei had won and he knew it, but he honestly couldn’t help but wonder if anyone would _actually_ reply to the ad. Sure, it had been a dare, but he was actually curious… and hell, if anyone who replied was hot, he’d consider giving it a shot. But, that was for a little bit later on- for now, he had to ensure Sigma made his own post asking for someone to draw self-insert porn with his fursona. In all honesty Junpei had probably gotten the easier dare of the two, but hey. Sigma had let him set the terms to whatever he wanted, so he’d set them to whatever he’d wanted.

“Well, are you going to do it or not?”

“…dammit, fine. I’m posting the ad, but I swear to god if anyone I know ever finds this I’m killing you.”

“Oh, like I can’t say the same to you?”

“Fair enough.”

* * *

When Junpei returned back to his apartment after the day’s classes, he decided to check the ad on a whim- and he was shocked to find that not one, but _two_ people had _actually_ responded. Skeptical but curious, he clicked onto each of their pictures- oh god damn, they were hot. The first was a girl, _Akane Kurashiki, 21f_ ; who’d sent in a somewhat risqué picture of her in a top that left just enough up to the imagination, and imagine Junpei did. The second was a boy, _Carlos, 24m_ ; who Junpei could’ve sworn was a model. In the picture he was posed in only a bathing suit, lying in an incredibly seductive pose- ok, fuck it. Junpei was going to have a threesome.

He messaged both of them back, saying he’d love to meet them, and plans were made pretty quickly. They were all available that Saturday so that’s when they’d meet up, at a local bar (for safety’s sake, of course). Junpei didn’t tell Sigma a word about what was going on, even after seeing Sigma’s own craigslist posting. He just patted Sigma on the back and told him he’d done well, intending to keep his little secret until after things had gone well. Or at least, he hoped they’d go well.

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough, and Junpei couldn’t help but feel a bit excited- even if things didn’t end up as planned, he’d still hopefully get to meet two really damn sexy people, take a couple selfies, and shove that in Sigma’s face. He ended up arriving early, but he didn’t mind- it gave him time to cool his nerves, he didn’t want to seem eager or anything.

Both Akane and Carlos were right on time, and they all introduced themselves with smiles. Contrary to his picture, Carlos actually seemed kinda shy- it was cute, really.

“So, uh… nice to meet you both.”

Junpei was realizing he actually knew nothing about them other than their names and ages, so it would probably be best to start with that before they got to the sex part.

“Well… thanks for responding. I’ll clear the air first- this was technically a dare from one of my friends, but I figured you’re both really hot so why not give it a shot?”

Akane laughed, a big smile on her face.

“Aah, that explains it then, Jumpy. Oh, do you mind if I call you that? I tend to give people nicknames.”

“U-uh, sure, go ahead.”

“Great! Well, it’s basically the same for me- I mean, it wasn’t a dare or anything, but your picture looked nice and I’ve been straight out of luck in terms of the dating scene for a while now, so this sounded like fun. What about you, Carlos?”

“Ehe… it was actually kinda a dare for me, too. The guys down at the station have been telling me for ages to try something new, and I liked your picture, so I figured- why not?”

“The station? Are you a cop?”

“Nah, I’m a firefighter.”

“Oh, that explains your picture, then! It must be from one of those calendars- I always end up buying one, against better judgement.”

Akane was carrying the conversation, it seemed like her personality was a thing to be reckoned with. Carlos just laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah… They actually ended up convincing me to do a solo shoot- I still have no idea how, but there’s a Carlos monthly calendar out there if you look hard enough.”

Junpei was going to have to look for that, then, because he _definitely_ wanted to see more of those pictures. For, uh, research purposes. Totally.

“What about you guys, what do you do?”

“I’m still in school- film studies, at the moment.”

Junpei had always been a _huge_ movie buff, so it had only been natural for him to pursue it in school. His goal was to become a critic- he already did some low-budget reviews online, and he got decent hits on them. Not college tuition covering levels or anything, but enough to give him hope.

“Oh Jumpy, that sounds so cool! I’m in physics myself- I want to specialize in particle physics, but I’m not sure if I want to just do a masters, or go all the way for my Ph.D.”

Carlos and Junpei shared a glance with each other, before looking at Akane- _wow_ , she had to have a brain in her if she was planning for a Ph.D. Well, she did _look_ the part, to be honest- there was something about her eyes that seemed to hold endless wisdom.

“That’s really impressive, Akane. And you too, Junpei, they both sound like they’d be a lot of fun to study.”

The conversation continued on like that for a while, all of them finding that it was actually quite enjoyable. They even ended up staying and having supper there, chatting and enjoying the mood. It was a couple hours later when they finally returned to Junpei’s apartment, laughing and having a good time.

“Okay, first things first. Do you guys mind if we take a pic together? Doesn’t have to be sexual, I just need proof that this happened for the friend who gave me the dare.”

Both Akane and Carlos nodded, and Junpei pulled out his phone. It was a bit awkward getting them all in the frame, considering Carlos was a good bit taller than both Junpei and Akane, but they made it work and ended up with a few pretty decent pictures.

“Actually Jumpy, could you send me that? And Cal probably wants it too, yeah?”

“Y-yeah… I’d like that a lot, actually.”

Carlos was blushing from the use of the nickname- he’d given Akane consent to use it, but he’d also mentioned he’d never actually had a nickname from anyone before. It was genuinely adorable how innocent he was- Junpei wanted to just kiss him (or more) already, but patience. Have patience.

“Ok, no problem- would you guys rather I send it to your emails again, or I could just text it to you now.”

“Sly, sly- trying to get our numbers, are you?”

“Wh-what? N-no, that’s not-“ Akane had very successfully flustered Junpei, who was quite embarrassed to admit she was completely correct. “W-well, I mean, it’s not _not_ right, but, uh…”

“Hey, no worries, I don’t mind- here’s my number.”

Carlos was saving him from the awkward moment, and Akane eventually just winked at him and held out her phone as well, pretending as though her wink hadn’t caused Junpei’s heart to skip a beat.

“So, what next then, Jumpy?”

He paused for a second to think- Actually yeah, what _was_ next? They could just get straight to the sex, but Junpei had found he was actually really just enjoying their company. He didn’t want the night to finish this soon, he actually wanted to keep hanging out with them.

“Well, uh… I mean, its up to you guys. I don’t really know what gets you both in the mood, if you want to watch something first, or like, do things…”

Akane giggled- he realized after talking that saying ‘do things’ sounded pretty bad in this context, but it wasn’t like he had a rewind button or anything. Nope, he was just stuck with his own dumb mouth.

“Well, you both look pretty stressed out, still- why don’t we watch a movie or something to relax? There’s no point in doing anything unless you’re both comfortable with it.”

Carlos looked a bit relieved when Akane suggested the movie, and Junpei’s eyes lit up- oh, that was just _perfect._ He told them to follow him, and they entered his bedroom- and on the bookshelf on the far wall, floor to ceiling, were countless DVD and Blu-ray cases of movies. There were all sorts, and every genre- even foreign films and indie films were properly represented.

“W-wow… that’s… a lot of movies.”

“Oh, this isn’t even the full collection. Half of it is still back home with my parents, I’ve been moving it out here slowly but surely.”

Both Akane and Carlos were still staring at the bookshelf (and him) in stunned silence, clearly not sure how to interpret this situation.

“Well, what are we thinking, guys? Scifi? Fantasy? Thriller? Oh, or we could go topical and put in a romcom.” He wasn’t going to say out loud, but he was _always_ a sucker for a good romcom.

“U-uh… romcom sounds fine, I guess?”

“Yeah, fine by me!”

With both Carlos and Akane in agreement, he pulled out three random picks from his romantic comedy section-(500) Days of Summer, The Princess Bride, and Wall-E. Ok, so maybe the last one wasn’t _technically_ a romcom, but goddammit he fucking loved those little robots. He held his picks out to Akane and Carlos (who were still not moving), and they both blinked, thought for a moment, and pointed to Wall-E.

Ok, they were keepers.

* * *

By the time Monday rolled around, Junpei had spent a majority of the weekend texting with Carlos and Akane. They never did end up having sex, instead they all ended up crying over the ending of Toy Story 3- but honestly, Junpei was totally okay with that. They’d fallen asleep together on his bed, in a tangle of limbs that had taken a short while to get sorted out when they all awoke, then they’d even ended up going out for breakfast together. Plus, they had one last little thing planned…

“Holy shit, it actually fucking worked. Are you fucking kidding me, Junpei?”

“Nope, 100% serious. Man, I’ll bet you’re jealous- we were up like, _all night_.”

“You’re both idiots.”

It was Sigma’s friend Phi who’d just spoken, currently in the middle of a facepalm. She knew both Junpei and Sigma well, and yet somehow, she hadn’t actually seen this coming.

“Did you seriously just have a threesome because Sigma dared you to?”

“Nah, I did it because they were hot- Hell, Carlos’s got a fucking calendar of pinups, all just him. Don’t tell me you’re not interested, Sigma…”

Sigma punched him in the arm, and Junpei laughed.

“I already told you, I’m waiting for the right person. Even if he is hot, I’m not buying a calendar- especially if you’ve actually had sex with the guy.”

“If by right person, you mean the right porn artist.”

“Sh-shut up, Phi!”

Sigma’s face was bright red- oh, she’d hit the nail on the head. Actually, Junpei had to wonder if Sigma’d gotten any replies himself. The other man _was_ decently attractive, and he knew plenty of people were into that furry stuff.

“Jumpy? Jumpy, oh my god! It’s so good to see you!”

Ah, right on schedule. He turned to look, and sure enough he could see Akane and Carlos headed for him.

“What are the odds we’d be at the same school, right? Ah, this is just great- oh, and Carlos had something he wanted to give you…”

She winked- well, _that_ wasn’t part of the plan. When he’d found out Akane was at the same school they’d decided it’d be fun to all show up, just to see how Sigma’d react- but he should’ve trusted Akane to come up with something new to spice things up.

Carlos was beet red, and he handed Junpei over a well-wrapped package.

“I-its, um… j-just open it.”

From the way Carlos was blushing, Junpei was wondering if he’d taken nudes, or something. Seemed a bit out of character, but who knew? However, upon unwrapping, he discovered it was something even better- it was Carlos’s calendar, with an incredibly flattering picture of Carlos in a soaked white tank top making a shockingly seductive face right on the front cover.

“Wow.”

Phi was staring at the calendar, then at Carlos, then back to the calendar.

“This really the same guy? Seems a lot more… innocent. In person, that is.”

Carlos nodded, still blushing. Dear _god_ , he looked so fucking cute when he was blushing like that…

“Oh, well, I should get to class now! Send me a text the next time you want to hook up, Junpei- I’d love to go for another all-nighter~”

Akane blew him a kiss as the turned and walked off towards the science building, and Junpei was pretty sure his heart had stopped. Was he still breathing? Well, he wasn’t dead, so probably. God _damn_ those two were dangerous for his health- and he liked that.

“W-well, uh… same here. Um, not the class part, but, uh, I have work. So, just… text me!”

Despite how flustered he seemed to be, Carlos still managed to give Junpei a genuine smile as he walked off, and Junpei felt his heart melt. He would _absolutely_ be texting them again- he wasn’t admitting it yet, but he was head over heels for them both.

“Oh, actually, that reminds me- I found an artist, Junpei.”

“Seriously? Do tell, do tell.”

“Yeah, her name’s Diana. And, well… She told me she’d give me a discount if we went on a date, so we’re going to be meeting this Saturday…”

Junpei was pretty sure Phi’s facepalm could be heard from across campus.

“What was that about waiting for the right person, again? I was right, you really were just looking for the right artist.”

“If Junpei can find his true love from getting fucked because of a craigslist ad, then I’ve got a shot at finding love because of furry porn. Give me a break, Phi.”

“Yeah, Phi. Maybe you should try your own ad, aren’t you still single?”

“For your information, I have a girlfriend. And now that I’ve met him in person, I’m pretty sure she’s your new boyfriends sister.”

“Wait, are you serious?”

“Yeah. Ask Carlos if he’s got a sister named Maria, if he does then it checks out.”

Junpei wasn’t going to text him now, but he would _definitely_ be sure to ask him. Now he was just _dying_ to know, especially if that meant Maria might have some good stuff on Phi.

“I already know what you’re thinking, and no. Anyways, I have class too. Bye, dumbasses.”

“Love you too, Phi.”

As Sigma and Phi walked off, Junpei couldn’t help but laugh to himself a bit. Life really was full of coincidences, huh?

Well, he’d better get to planning that next date, then. No way in hell was he leaving this as a one-night hookup, he was looking forwards to getting to know _all_ of Carlos and Akane. And yes, he meant that in more ways than one.

**Author's Note:**

> Remember how my friend Jake was part of the reason I made the sigma/diana smut, and started this ao3 account? Well, you can thank him for this one too. and please do, because this was a delight to write. Like oh my god, i was smiling the entire time. Junpei is hopeless, I love him so much. And with the movie buff things, i like to imagine he's got a really soft spot for animated kids films. he cries really easily at them, especially if they're animated animals.
> 
> About Sigma- him and Diana totally hook up. She's like _really_ good at the art, too. She only does it part time while in nursing school, but she gets tons of people asking about commissions. 
> 
> also i literally just today realized there was a rich text editor, so huzzah! actual line breaks! We'll see if i'm proactive enough to actually fix the old fics, or leave them as-is.


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